The Daily Twaddle reports (a parody based on fact):
Crime in Oxford’s Cowley Road soared in the first two months after controversial CCTV cameras were switched on. Three cameras, which we should mention can rotate to give a full 360 degree view, went live on 19th January.
Figures and stuff obtained under the Freedom of Information Act showed that crime figures and stuff on the Cowley Road soared in the first two months of operation of the cctvs because of the spy cameras and no other reason - we know this because numbers never lie (except the number two, which is simply duplicitous).
The cameras have been declared an unwelcome burden on the East Oxfordshire community.
A police chief Inspector said: "I used to think CCTV could be used as part of an overall policing response in terms of tackling crime, reducing crime and public safety and reassurance.
"But now I know that I was wrong.
"It is a waste of money and I feel uneasy about the unnecessary removal of freedoms of law abiding citizens. Although obviously we don't have time to waste spying on ordinary folk, we only spy on real criminals and people who could be criminals and people who look like they might be criminals, and foreigners. And people who look like foreigners. And, when the need arises, everyone else."
The £340,000 security cameras operate in three locations along East Oxford's Cowley Road and did we mention yet that they can be rotated 360 degrees and all sorts of other stuff which is fun to play with if you are in the cctv control room.
Below is a table of recorded offences between 19th January and 19th March 19 2008 compared with the same recorded offences in 19th January and 19th March 2009 (after surveillance cameras were installed), which shows crime rocketed:
| Classification | Total 2008 | Total 2009 | % increase since cctv |
|---|---|---|---|
| Administering a Substance with intent | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Affray | 1 | 2 | 100% |
| Breach of ASBO | 0 | 3 | Infinity % |
| Burglary in A Dwelling | 1 | 8 | 700% |
| Burglary other than in A Dwelling | 1 | 4 | 300% |
| Child Protection (Non Crime Incident) | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Dangerous Driving | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Drunk and Disorderly | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Fraud by False Representation | 0 | 2 | Infinity % |
| Handling/Receiving Stolen Goods | 1 | 2 | 100% |
| Possesion of Firearms Offences | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Racially Aggravated Crim. Damage To Vehcs | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Racist Incident (Non Recordable Crime) | 0 | 2 | Infinity % |
| Shoplifting | 6 | 19 | 217% |
| Theft from a Dwelling | 0 | 1 | Infinity % |
| Theft or Unauthorised Taking of Pedal Cycle | 10 | 11 | 10% |
A local businessman said: "Time will tell whether local residents wake up and realise that they have traded their freedoms for nothing!"
Judith Talkalot, owner of a local business, said: "The results are really embarrassing.
"I was a strong advocate for cctv and I feel responsible for the installation of these cameras. Our area is no safer for my staff and members of the public but ordinary people can now be tracked as they go about their daily business. I'm really embarrassed and will not be happy until the surveillance cameras come down. I apologise to the people of East Oxford for my unquestioning support of unproven technology."
Campaign group No CCTV said: "Clearly this story is a parody and the above claim that CCTV increases crime is unfounded based on these figures alone. However the Oxford Mail article 'Cowley Road crime falls under CCTV's gaze' (Oxford Mail, 19/4/09) claiming crime had fallen is equally unfounded as it was equally based on a selective reading of exactly the same very narrow set of crime statistics. Proper analysis of the effectiveness of CCTV requires a larger data set, a control area for comparison and consideration of other factors that may affect crime. Previous studies of cctv systems conducted in this way have repeatedly shown that cameras are not an effective crime fighting tool. It has been stated that the surveillance cameras along the Cowley Road in East Oxford have been installed for a two year trial, yet there have been no assurances that a fair and balanced study is being conducted and with advocates like the Oxford Mail the public are likely to believe that they have traded their freedoms and their taxes for reduced crime, when in fact they will have done no such thing."
